The invisible pain of war: How being a refugee impacts the human soul and identity
In a beautiful ski resort of Switzerland, I was seating across a very lively Ukrainian woman - a mother of three small children, an activist, a business woman, a trainer. She was sharing with me about her experience of fleeing war in Ukraine and arriving in Switzerland, seeking refuge for her and her family.
How impressive it was for her that the people who hosted them, gave up their whole chalet in the mountains and made it all available for their disposal. The kids were well installed in school, and it was just wonderful to see how much kindness her family have experienced in general since they arrived to this new country.
Along with these positive impressions, she was also telling me how all of them miss home, how every memory of seating in their own garden back home hurts their hearts. There is just nothing that can replace a home…
This is something that I hear over and over again as I encounter more and more Ukrainian people arriving here. Something, that I feel, we don’t give enough attention to. It is that emotional charge and deeper inner pain that every Ukrainian carries while fleeing the horrors of war.
Although I am not a refugee myself, I know how it is to live far from home.
I know well what it is to adjust to live in a very different culture. Having had the privilege to train as a psychologist, it now allows me to engage and help people both with my heart and skills. Yet, being a trained psychologist is not a requirement to interact with refugees, wherever they may come from. Oftentimes, a shared sense of humanity and a willingness to show some care, may be more than enough.
We as a society can probably imagine that when a refugee resettles to a host country, the person must adapt to a completely new way of living. That often includes learning a new language, having many new rules and conditions for life, a state of constant dependence on others to meet some even basic needs, and so many other practical challenges. And while being diligent in doing our best to provide help for these people on the practical side of things, more attention is required to the less seen and obvious - something I call the invisible wounds of war.
Various studies in psychology show that the post-migration experience significantly impacts the emotional state and mental health of the people for the rest of their lives. This long-lasting stress becomes yet another layer of war-related trauma.
So as these people might come our way and we want to help them to go through this enormous and unexpected change, may we become more and more aware about the unseen but very well present pain inside their soul, related to:
Being uprooted, and uprooted in a very forceful, brutal way
Constantly «digesting» the fact that your homeland is being destroyed, yet somehow finding the inner strength to keep going
Living day by day with the overwhelming sense of uncertainty for the future
Being separated from your loved ones staying in the war zone without knowing if you will see them again alive
May we be attuned to this internal struggle of the people who had to leave their homes and pack their lives into one bag. May we never underestimate the power of the emotional relief we can provide, even if it is just listening to their personal stories. May we be attuned to not only the obvious, but also the hidden wounds of the refugees we now receive.
