From offended to connected
Many of us live by the conviction that we must take a stand against everything we disagree with. But the truth is we do not.
The generation I am part of usually gets described as easily offendable. And in surprisingly many discussions the person with the worst arguments ends up winning by taking the role of the offended. It is natural to feel that others cross the line and therefore let oneself get offended by the opinion of others. Unfortunately, this often leads to discussions being loaded with feelings that cloud the topic being discussed.
Since I was young, I have loved expressing my thoughts publicly. Provoked by things I read, I often reached for the keyboard and have since written dozens of op-eds. As I see it now, not every battle is worth fighting.
That is not because I wish to fail those who encourage young people to engage in the discourse of society, but because I have seen that speaking up sometimes may exceed the capabilities of what an individual can endure. To speak up is actually to expose oneself to harsh words, for example in comment sections.
Stoicism creeps forward
A large part of society lives by a conviction that we must take a stand against everything we disagree with. But the truth is we do not. Therefore, I practice letting people do their thing without getting provoked or offended.
In airports, I often go into bookstores to diminish a bit of my flight shame. The books being shown off tells me something about what is stirring and appeals to people. What little research I have done shows that stoicism is the new trend.
The stoics meant that feelings disturbed their thinking. Therefore, they practiced controlling their reactions: to choose to be angry, annoyed, or yes – offended. Popular literature about stoicism is about discerning what you can and cannot control. This can in turn empower self-control in a turbulent and unpredictable world.
To increase tolerance
The big stoic thinker Epictetus would probably have shaken his head for all the times I, with a provoked expression, have confronted my dissenters. In the same way that being annoyed that your plane is delayed is never necessary, a stoic would think that it is silly to use energy on opposing people who won’t change their opinion anyway. Epictetus said: “If they are wise, do not quarrel with them; if they are fools, ignore them.”
Maybe one of the reasons this 1900-year-old philosophy still sells, is that it gives us a greater degree of tolerance for the fact that life is not without problems – that we will face resistance and offense. In a time where more and more people suffer from being a bit too offendable, we need to increase tolerance.
It is so easy to involve feelings when expressing oneself publicly. It is important then to remember that by sharing emotional experiences one does not say anything insightful about anything other than precisely feelings. Therefore, I will not bother opposing someone the next time I read something that I furiously disagree with.
I will just receive it with a calm mind. Stoic calmness.
This op-ed was originally published in the Norwegian newspaper Aftenposten for Si;D, an op-ed column specifically for youth, on 29. October 2023.
