I see Ukraine
There is a war happening in Europe. But in my view, it is not fought in the military or even economic realms. It is centered around who we are and who we want to be. Ukrainians know this. We in Western Europe might be on the way to seeing this also.
I went to Ukraine to expand my heart and mind, to shift the balance in my mental and emotional map of the world. I sensed that behind the clichés of Soviet concrete and uniformity a field of flowers was starting to emerge. It was a journey into the unknown, even the questions were fuzzy in their shape and content, let alone the answers. But I smelled something good. I lived in Kyiv close to the Parliament and the Chinese embassy. I walked through the mazes of Kyiv and along the river Dnipr. I travelled to Odessa, Uzgorod, Lviv, Kherson, Mariupol, Chernigov, Nizhyn. I met people, I heard stories. I used my extended eye - the camera - to try to capture what I felt, of brutal, delicate and broken architecture, the tone of voice on the metro, markets and cafés, the mysteries in the ornaments, graffiti and murals.
I saw a hesitant hope, feeble steps of trust and a willingness to enter into the risky area of optimism. I saw remnants of a hierarchical structure, of people playing mental hide-and-seek. I saw bravery in risking reputation and security as they follow their callings. I saw short-termness and pragmatism. I saw people protecting their hearts behind a shield of aggression, I saw naked naivety, I saw a need for being seen and respected, I saw the unselfish sacrifice for one’s country. I saw how the cold realties of war refine the dream, the hope, the art, the speech. I saw how the angel of cynicism was always there to reap new victims. I also saw a remarkable resilience to falling prey to it. I saw art refined in the fire of sacrifice; I saw faces with a determination forged under huge pressure. I saw people being burned out; I saw people being on fire.
I saw a state under enormous pressure from within and without, I saw the rule book being battered and burned and rewritten, with ink, tears, blood. I saw a strange dance between the powers, the state, the oligarchs, the politicians, the advisors, the bureaucrats. I saw brand new laws; I saw older and stronger laws taking precedence. I saw a gigantic knot and I saw some people making the knot worse, I saw many trying to loosen it. I saw an anthill of initiatives, an army of attempts, a tide of hope, and many battle wary faced. I saw people taking their turn in the fight, stepping into the colosseum of society, gaining one foothold, leaving the battle for other, taking a rest.
I saw old resolute ladies guarding the museums, market stalls and rail carriages. I saw people seeking haven in old reliable structures, I saw a predictability, I saw a lethargy. I saw the intertwined gridlock of a system; I saw the safety it provides. I saw minds having forgotten how to be inquisitive, I saw childlike minds nurturing naive opportunity. I saw museums as mausoleums and propaganda, I saw museums alive with potential and life. I saw ladies with worn down hips wagging around the cities as the hip replacement operation is prohibitively expensive. I saw hands getting old before their time from tireless work in the cold. I saw hard working people, I saw a perplexing complexity, I saw simplicity of life, I saw honesty and communal thinking and living. I heard old songs, I heard new songs, I heard songs that mixed the two. I saw young people singing the songs of history, I saw new variation of old traditional shirts. I saw a re-digging of old cultural wells; I saw a new telling of old stories. I saw a collecting and reassembling of pieces from the rational obliteration and mental and cultural meltdown that was the Soviet Union. I saw a commitment to building a new Ukraine, I saw a fire being lit and kept alive as the sun rises.
I was endlessly encouraged, challenged, in high spirits and in deep despair. I felt a huge sense of possibility and a deep sense of fear and distrust. I saw in people’s eyes a profound need to be able to believe in the future, I felt playfulness and powerlessness living alongside each other. I saw artists where the most important piece of art they made was how they lived, how they talked, how they hoped, how they realized their dream was a weapon.
Yes there is a war in Ukraine, and the battle lines are drawn in each Ukrainians’ heart. It was also drawn in mine, and the battle is real. Hope is a power bigger than economic and military powers. Corruption is not an economic entity but a state of our hearts. Let’s not talk about the war in the east, this is old news, rather let’s talk about the war inside us and in our everyday lives.
I saw Ukraine.
